Two children want the same work. One pushes, the other bites, and both are crying before you cross the room. This post covers what Montessori guides do in that moment and in the hour after it: help the children settle it themselves, write a factual record, and tell each family what happened to their own child before pickup.
Teach the words before the conflict
Peace education starts long before the first argument. In grace and courtesy lessons you show children, slowly and with exaggerated care, how to ask to join someone's work, how to wait for a turn and how to say "I don't like that." The American Montessori Society describes peace education as something that runs through the whole year, through class meetings, practiced scripts and children mediating for each other.
Give these lessons in the first weeks and repeat them whenever a pattern shows up. A child who has practiced "I'm using this. You can have it when I'm done" has a sentence ready when someone reaches for their work.
Run the peace table
Most classrooms have a peace table or a peace rose: a quiet place where two children go to work out a disagreement. The Montessori School of Toledo describes the steps most classrooms follow:
- Both children calm down first. A child who is still upset can't listen.
- The child holding the rose speaks while the other listens without interrupting.
- They pass the rose and the second child speaks.
- They agree on what happens next, and shake hands or say goodbye in their own way.
Stay close enough to help, and let the children do the talking. If they get stuck, offer a sentence to borrow ("When you took the beads, I felt…") and step back again. Your job is to keep the conversation fair. The children decide how it ends.
Write what you saw
As soon as the children are settled, write down what happened. Keep it to facts: the time, the place, what each child did and said, and what you did. Leave out labels and guesses about intent. "Took the bead frame from another child's table and walked away" can be checked. "Was being aggressive" can't.
For anything with an injury, or anything the family must hear about, file an incident report. In FutureNerds, choose Create Incident Report from the child's page on web, iOS or Android. Give it an Incident Name, such as "Bite on the forearm", and an Incident Description. Add the other child under Other Children Involved, and the report goes on each child's record.
Each family receives an in-app notice and an email saying a report was filed for their child, and the description is copied word for word into every child's record. Write it so every family involved can read it: describe their child's part and what you did, and never name another child. "Another child bit your child on the left forearm during the morning work period. We washed the area, applied a cold pack and stayed with her until your child returned to work."
For a conflict with no injury, write an observation instead. On the web, the Social-emotional development page has a Conflict resolution note type, and the child's page lets you record an observation and tick Share with parents if the family should see it. Each note is about one child, so write one note per child.
Tell each family the same day
Early-years biting policies, such as Elsworth Pre-School's, agree on the basics: tell both families the same day, give each family only their own child's part, and don't share the other child's name.
The incident report reaches the family in the app. For a bite, a head bump or anything that will leave a mark, add a short private message or a word at pickup:
"Your daughter was bitten on the arm this morning while two children were working out who would use the bead frame. It didn't break the skin. We cleaned it and used a cold pack, and she went back to work. You'll see the incident report in the app. Please let me know if anything changes tonight."
A parent may ask who did it. Answer the same way every time: "We keep the other child's name private, the same way we would keep your child's."
Watch for a pattern
One conflict is an ordinary part of classroom life. Three in a week between the same two children is a pattern. Read back over the week's incident reports and social-emotional notes on Friday. When a pattern appears, plan a grace and courtesy lesson for the whole group, change where those two children work, and ask the family of a child at the center of it for a short meeting. Bring the factual record to that meeting.