How to prepare for your parent-teacher conference

A fall conference is usually short, and the time goes quickly once you've said hello, looked at a folder of work and heard how your child has settled in. If you walk in with your questions written down, and a few notes about what you see at home, the meeting goes to the things you care about most. Start a week ahead: keep notes at home, turn them into questions, and bring both to the meeting.

A week before: notice what you see at home

For the next few days, keep a note on your phone or a piece of paper on the fridge. Write down short, specific things you notice. You're looking for what your child does, says and asks about.

Some things worth noting:

• what your child talks about after school, and who they mention
• anything new they do on their own, like pouring a drink, dressing, or setting the table
• words, letters or numbers they've started using
• what they choose to play with or work on when nobody suggests anything
• how mornings and evenings go: sleep, appetite, mood at drop-off and pickup
• anything that worries you, written as what happened: "Cried at drop-off on Monday and Wednesday," or "Says nobody plays with her at outdoor time"

Write what you saw, with the day if you remember it. The guide can do much more with "He counted the stairs to twelve on Saturday" than with "He's good at numbers."

A few days before: write your questions

Look at your notes and pick the three or four things you most want to know. Write them as questions. Put the most important one first, so you ask it even if time runs short.

Questions that tend to get useful answers:

• "What does a typical morning look like for my child?"
• "What work does she choose most often, and what does she avoid?"
• "Who does he spend time with?"
• "What lessons is she working on now, and what's coming next?"
• "How does he handle it when something is hard or when he has to wait?"
• "Is there anything you'd like us to try at home?"

If you have a worry, put it on the list in plain words. "I'd like to talk about drop-off. She's been crying most mornings." Ask what the guide sees at the same time of day, and what the two of you could try.

If two parents or carers are coming, compare lists the night before and agree which questions matter most.

What to bring

• your notes from home
• your list of questions, in order
• something to write with
• anything the school asked you to bring, such as a form or a questionnaire

Leave younger siblings with someone else if you can.

During the conference

Let the guide start. They've usually prepared a short summary of how your child is doing in the classroom, often with work samples or observation notes. Listen to the whole thing before you ask your questions. Some may be answered along the way; cross them off.

When it's your turn, share one or two things from your home notes before your questions. Guides see your child in one setting. What you tell them about home helps them understand what they see in the classroom.

When the guide uses a Montessori term you don't know, ask. "What does the work cycle mean for her day?" or "What's a three-period lesson?" are fair questions to ask, and the answer makes the rest of the meeting easier to follow.

Write down anything you agree to try, at home or at school. Before you leave, say it back: "So we'll let him carry his own bag in from the car, and you'll keep an eye on how outdoor time goes. Can we check in again in a month?"

After the conference

That evening, read your notes and add anything you didn't have time to write. If you agreed to try something at home, put it on the calendar so it actually starts.

Tell your child one specific thing the guide said about their work. "Your teacher told me you've been working with the map puzzles. Which one is your favorite?"

If a question came up later that you didn't ask, send it to the guide in a short message within a few days. Keep a copy of your notes and bring them to the spring conference, along with a fresh page for the weeks before it.